Life can be hard with all it’s ups and downs. We choose everyday whether or not we are going to let someone in our world. We can have a person or even several people break us down. The wall is up when someone you were supposed to be able to trust takes advantage. We feel vulnerable and so afraid to let other’s in after that takes place. Freedom is on the other side when we make that decision to not let someone’s wrong decision stop our right decision in letting go. God loves you so much! Let God in and let the healing begin!

The hard part about the healing process is knowing when to let go and let God! A background of abuse automatically can create a wall around our heart. We are afraid to let anybody in! A person that should be trusted automatically has taken advantage! I have had a hard time letting others in because of the trust issue! The pain and fear is so great, and very real! God is the only one that can TRULY melt a cold hard heart! The potential is there for a warm pliable heart when we allow God to melt the wall that is around it! The other side of letting go is so worth it! LET GO & LET GOD BEGIN healing from what the enemy was trying to destroy with! Think about this—- the potential that is there is so great or why would the enemy have tried so hard to take you out!!!! Food for thought just let that sink in a while and we will talk soon!

I am a Grandma now, and this journey of healing has been going on for years. I am remembering back to one of the first areas that the Lord brought to my attention was the need to let the guard down. I struggled with letting others in because of the pain. I was afraid that if I let someone in they would hurt or take advantage of me. I put up a brave front! I had the walls up around my heart. The person you should be able to trust takes advantage of you, and then the guard comes up. I have noticed over the years that the guard can show in many ways. I have known women who seemed overly aggressive and critical, shy and standoffish, positive and annoyingly cheerful. The amazing thing about God is HE takes us just as we are! We cannot heal ourselves, but the Lord can go inside, and begin the process of taking down the layers around the heart! ONLY HE CAN TRULY HEAL AND SET FREE! Self help can only take you so far! God knows what we need even when we do not know the next step! I realize the process of letting God in and releasing our control is hard! Mainly because we want to be in control haha! Really though are we in control! Think about it!!! We are a mess and only God can begin to clean up the mess!!!! People have free will and with that free will brings about a lot of bad choices unfortunately. The junk that happens in our lives is not God punishing us! I WOULD ENCOURAGE YOU TO LET THE GUARD DOWN AND LET THE LORD IN! God loves you so much!!! He wants the best for you always!

Everything in the news right now is about sexual abuse allegations. I believe a lot of what is happening is not necessarily about Kavanaugh and Ford. I believe that there are several across this country who have been raped or taken advantage of, and now Kavanaugh has become the face for their abuser, and they seek justice. I do not know if he did what he is accused of or not. I do believe we need to quit automatically assuming guilt based on what has happened in our own lives. I think a lot of women are angry and in pain across this country. I would hope that we would not take our anger out on someone that did not cause that pain in our lives. He does not need to be the scapegoat for everyone’s pain. He has a wife and children that we need to consider when we are ranting about what he has done when we do not even know the man. I am not disputing what has happened in the woman’s life. My dad molested me and I was also taken out in a field and raped by a friend of someone I was dating when I was a teenager. I have learned that anger would only continue to destroy myself and not the ones who caused the pain. I also realize that being angry and thinking all men are garbage would not be fair based on what two individuals did in my life. Forgiveness has even helped bring healing in my dad’s life and helped him begin to forgive himself. I am not saying what was done was right. I am just saying that letting go of the rage and forgiving started the road to healing in my life. ONLY THE LORD can truly heal and when we let go we are allowing God to take over and start that road to healing!

I will start with how the journey began. My mother and father were a couple of 17 year old kids who went to a drive inn movie & 9 months later I enter the picture. The 60’s and families knowing each other they really pushed for my parents to get married. If two people were never meant to get married it was my parents! My dad joined the Army and went off to Vietnam to get away from the responsibility of being a married teenager with a kid on the way. They divorced and my mother moved on and began to date others while pregnant. My dad came back from the war really messed up and the families continued to pressure them to do the right thing so my parents were back together. My dad was a Vietnam vet with flashbacks, drug addictions, pornography addictions, major anger issues, along with so many other issues. I grew up dealing with sexual abuse from my dad. I thought it was normal because I had nothing to base it on. I remember when I began to realize at around 12 or so that what had been happening for years was not normal…..I became a very angry teenager. I was mad at the world and very confused. I had married at 18 trying for the perfect life and that was a disaster! I dated after the divorce and became pregnant and the father decided he did not want that responsibility. I met someone again at a wedding and he had a daughter and I had a baby on the way. We decided to marry and that was a bad decision out of fear of being a single mother. The journey of healing was right around the corner, but I did not know. I had an abusive husband at the time, and he was trying to kill me. I was pregnant with my son. I ran to the back of the home and get ready I know it sounds weird but a literal fog came in the room. I had a blanket of peace and love come over me with that fog. I went to church the next morning and told the preacher what happened. He told me that I was saved, and I said yes I know he did not kill me lol. I began my journey with the Lord that morning….

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton